Flat Jesus

It’s Flat Jesus! 

You’ve heard of Flat Stanley?  Now there’s Flat Jesus!  I pass one of those giant crosses on my way home from work every day.  You know, the ones you just can’t help but see.  Huge.  Recently I started thinking:  I wonder where I would have to stand, and where I would have to position the camera, in order to take a photo that makes it look like *I* am hanging on that cross… Hmm.

Upon deciding that idea would require me to stand in the way of fast traffic on a busy highway, I decided instead to make a “Flat Jesus” to take photos of in precarious situations.  Now, I’m pleased to announce that Flat Jesus has come to SarahTalk!  Here’s how you play:

  • Select your favorite Flat Jesus, Download and Print
  • Cut out around Flat Jesus
  • Optional: Color your picture (some are pre-colored)
  • Take pictures of your Flat Jesus anywhere you think will be fun
    • Keep it clean.  Nobody wants to see your penis, Tom.
  • Send your picture(s) to us!

That’s it.  Super easy, super fun.  Every once in a while we will pick a Flat Jesus picture as a “winner” to reward with something fun (so make sure to include some sort of contact info).

Color-Your-Own Jesus

This Flat Jesus lets you customize all the colors.

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Dark Jesus

Jesus, contrary to popular American opinion, wasn’t a basic white dude.  Though, keep scrolling, we have an option for that, too!

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White Jesus

Ah, that’s better, eh?  Here’s a guy we’d let on a plane FO’ SHO’.

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White Republican Jesus

Just for fun, and to make it harder to cut out, here’s White Republican Jesus!  He comes with ALL the accessories:  USA T-Shirt, Assault rifle, American Flag, and Eagle.  God. Bless. Fucking. America.

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